his side.

by the time the person you love speaks -- you'll be wishing he hadn't

while everyone was having a good time, I sat by the shore -- wandering. It's the best thing I do when I'm away from home. My walls would go crushing down if I keep on talking about things that aren't working and my pillows wouldn't be as fluffy as it was bought if I keep on crying with same old reason. As I was making myself busy by counting the ripples of the sea, someone called my attention. It was a voice of someone I really know --- at heart.

"James"  
I turned back, it was him... Damian.
I smiled, keeping that calm facade while deep down, my heart was in a bass setting. It was thumping like hell.
He sat beside me, that made it worst.
I took a deep breathe.

"Hey"
was all I ever said.
" Why aren't you joining the group?"
he asked.
" I'm just grabbing the opportunity to spend my time alone in places like this" 
I replied.
Then there was silence.
The waves were making their melody as it hit the shore.
I was thinking for a topic to make him stay, but my mind wasn't working.  He made a small move. I felt a twinge, he was leaving -- but not, instead he sat closer.

"you like making random names huh?"
he laughed, pointing at the name written on the sand -- Butter Scotch.
For no apparent reason, I felt sad. I took a twig and slashed the word with a thick line.
"Oh it's nothing"  
I smirked.
"Can I ask you something?"
he said and my heart began to go super bass. This was the part I'm afraid of, telling him the truth won't make any difference. You know what will happen? it's the same old act of ugly people in the society -- you fancy someone, the person finds out, avoids you at all cost. I don't want that to happen, not now that I have stayed strong for this because I want to be with him, even it meant only to be friends.
"Uh -- yes?" 
I agreed with hesitancy; he didn't notice. Thanks to the waves.
"Who is Butter Scoth?"
BAM! I knew he would ask that. Keep calm and say something, Jamie Richardson.
"Why so interested?" I asked, giving him a playful punch. He responded with a shrug.
"Some guy I like. I don't know --- he's been messing my mind and my heart."
I sighed.
"What did he do to make you feel that way?" he said, this time he was looking straight to my eyes, can't help but stare away.
"He made me special, Damian."
I told him, like its meant for him to know.
"but maybe, I was wrong -- I just gave too much meaning into it"  I added, just so I wouldn't look like I'm really stupid.
"Maybe he was just being nice" he told me. I've considered the fact guys are sweet by nature. I get it.
"It was just different for me, if you just know" I insisted though I know its obviously wrong.
"Do you still like him?" 
it was a tricky question for me, but
"I do not like him --" I sort of yelled at him
"-- I love him" this time, in a low voice.
I wonder how feels when I said indirectly I love him; His face was empty, he doesn't look like he's happy with what he heard. He seems saddened by it.

"You wouldn't get anything from him, James. I guess, you got it all wrong."
these words hit me.
I was speechless in a moment. He kept going..
"you were right -- maybe he was just being in nice and you just expected much from it -- and"
"Why do you sound like you know him?" I interrupted him mid-way.
He looked ashamed.
"Sorry" he said sheepishly.
"You don't have to say it to my face Damian. I know, I am wrong. It's all my fault, I am hurting myself. But you can't blame me. I'm in love, deal with it" I stood up..
"Hey, I am not mad. --- Uhm. I need to go back --- I think I heard Demi calling me" I lied.
I started to walk away.
"James!" he called.
"I am really sorry, I just don't want to see you get hurt" 
"It's okay, thank you"
I forced a laughed and turned away.
I headed back to our room, tears didn't stop from falling. Good thing Demi and the others were not there; it would've been worst.
Guess that's it. It's the end. He broke my heart with his soft voice. It was so fast, I never had the chance to breathe.
And I just die, a little more inside.