dreaming with a broken heart.

thinking it all over the whole night is actually a bad idea in the morning..

waking up is the hardest..

knowing someone like him is out there..

keeps on breaking you apart.

Imaginary World...

Alice and I were just enjoying our afternoon in our favorite spot in school

laughing, singing old songs from the 90's and remembering some significant events last year 2010, so friendship stuff when Liam came appearing in the crowd with his freaky friends; He looked in our way and he gave the smile I totally love and waved.

of course it was for me, so I waved back with a smile.

Alice gave me a teasing look.

"What?" I smiled.

"you're into him" she pushed me playfully.

"who said I was not?" I laughed.

Boy talk got into our conversation. There was nothing much to talk about Liam.

He was just some new guy; some guy who asked for my number, some guy who gave me the feeling, some guy who breaks my heart day by day; some guy that I still love to love and hate.

"But I don't think he's into me" I said staring at Liam who was playing frisbee on the field.

"Maybe he's just shy around you" Alice insisted, telling me her own rationalizations about his acts...
her words faded as I wandered, then someone starred there --- Keith.

"You know what? I could really sing Taylor Swift's Go Back to December now" I interrupted.

Alice stopped and raised her eyebrow.

I laughed again and took the Cookies on my bag.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I want to have moments with Liam just like I had with Keith, especially that Epic December" I said nibbling the cookie.

"Why? What happened?" she replied like she was never there.

Memories were vivid as I told Alice every details of it from the Bonfire trip to that Christmas eve fest.

"Maybe he did like me, he just didn't wanna do it,because he was forever chained with that psycho girlfriend of his" I said in dismay.

"I also think he was in love with you--- he just ignored that feeling because if he gave in, there's no turning back, he's all yours..." Alice said like Keith was Savanna in Dear John [the answering phone thingie >__<] .

"...he was just good in keeping that facade of I-Don't-Give-A-Shit" she crossed her arms.

I was speechless for a second. He gave me so much things to remember, no moments have beat that yet, it was epic, so epic.

"What if he told you the truth? what if he said 'Don't tell me I didn't try! --- I did' with tears falling from his little eyes" Alice told me with gestures of where is North & South.

"or what if he left me crying, because he told me everything was nothing, it was all a show, a joke" I added, realizing I haven't eaten half of the cookie.

"but the truth is when he turned back, he was disappointed at himself because he was not brave enough to fight for what he feels for me" I said trying to picture the scene on my mind, it was raining.

"And yea like he went back again then he hugged you so tight and told you how much he loved you! Ugh. freakin' imaginations! that is so movie scene" Alice blurted out laughing.

I giggled but there was a little twinge inside me, it reminded me how special he was to me -- before.

I breathe, thanking him for the memories; the good ones of course. I was lucky.

The thing here is that I'm over him. I can always go back talking the same old moments but the special feeling we call Love is all gone and it is already taken by someone new ---- and yea, this is another unrequited love.

proud little me :)

so, my sister sings my favorite song. :)
hey hey hey --- I said hey! ^________^

I think it's in our blood *Laughs -- my Mom & Dad sing too.
I mean everyone in the family.
Oh well, she wants me to sing with her -- that'll happen soon :D

sooo.. future youtube sensation? Hahahaha. Jk.

here we go again.

the site where I have 20 blog posts changed into a gaming site which means everything I wrote there are gone.
*curse you dammit like ASDFGHJKL @@


things have been so hard these days & no one knows because I keep that happy face :)
Oh man, I love him so, he'll never know then I hear someone says

"you really have attachment issues---creepy :))" [he's probably laughing now. >__<]

so, this is something about a HE.


I am not much of an essay writer with those beautiful words and metaphoric yadas but hell, i envy them.
it was 2nd week of April, I went up heading to the workroom with excitement, ready to have my subjects for the summer when I arrived and suddenly my moogie friend said..
"Oh ayan na si number two"
I gave that *WTFace* and I saw someone new in the crowd.
it was HIM. :)))

>>>> Fast Forward


It was one of those mornings where I woke up with someone on my mind.
darn it! this is it.. I was just telling my friends how cute he was, admitting to his former classmate/close friend/my moogie boyfriend that I got a crush on him then BOOM! he goes renting my heart.
I let it pass thinking maybe its just infatuation.
Until one day, I sneaked out of my Philosophy film viewing wanting to sit-in in one of his class where my friends were present too.
I opened the door and the first person I saw in that very room was.. capital H I M -- our eyes met and I swear to god I saw Sparks --- tssssss. then I noticed the person next to him with that teasing look --- of course, Jethro.
I looked away, blushing.


I knew everything was different. I hate it when I fall first.
few days after it was my Birthday.. we had Hershey Reese Ice Cream ^___^
then we went to grandstand, I was just sitting while my freaky friends were running like idiots., Ha! just kidding Jogging raw yun. >:) 
Oh I forgot HIS bestfriend is now my unidentical twin brother.
He told me something that kept me wondering for hours. Twin said HE asked if he knows me, twin said yes and details were vague. 
Maybe, he was just asking because I am friends with HIS closest friends.
I let it pass again..MAY 1, 2011 -- I was making my Philo paper and at the same time chatting with Biep on Facebook.
I posted "Hello, Caius" [I called him that because he is as white as snow] because he was online. :)))
I was telling Biep that he is online and he is not talking to me.. how depressing. just when I was about to inhale..
I got a new chat -- I saw his name. my world stopped.
I didn't know what to do, I panicked. I screamed. Heavy breathing, like hyperventilating. I told Biep he chatted. Ahhhhhhh!
WE WERE THRILLED. so I talked to him Hi-Hellos.. asking why blah blah and then he said
"Can I have your number?"


WTF! He just asked my number. Dude! What?! Oh my effin' Edward! 
I forgot I was working on a Philo paper. I was jumping.. flying? it was funny.
well, nagPakipot muna ako. I asked WHY?
he answered: Uhm katext lang sana, kung okay lang sayo.
then I thought about my twin brother..
*darn, he is fooling me! this is all game. a bet*
So I asked another question, just so I would know this is coming directly from him and he insisted
that it was his idea. I SMILED. :)


he was not much of a texter, [it's written all over his facade] so the days where he didn't text me were bearable but it got often to rare to not anymore [ to never again I think]


I expected too much. @@
I overthink. Expecting plus Over-thinking just ruins everything.


I hate him for giving the feeling,
but I hate myself more for letting that feeling eat me alive.




Maybe he was just being friendly. 
maybe he was just really nice.
or maybe he's an uppity better than anyone super skank.
*sigh

souhaitent :)

for the love of the man who can't be moved ♥